Valentine's Day

Oh, I know. That old couple holding hands in the grocery store just really threw you over the edge this week. Your 20-something heart just couldn't stand the looks on their faces as you remembered you'll be spending your Valentine's Day alone... again. Proceed to the candy aisle. Go home and crawl into your bed. Grab the tissues, start the rom-com marathon, and... get over yourself.

That's probably not where you thought that was going, but keep reading - there's a point. Historically,  Valentine's Day has been dedicated to people expressing love for their significant other or a potential love interest, but it has evolved over time. The reality is there isn't only one reason to celebrate Valentine's Day anymore. You can celebrate loving yourself, loving your family, or loving your friends. Having a significant other isn't the only thing worth celebrating.

However, the holiday is NOT meant to be a pity party or an opportunity for you to scoff at all of the people who you see in relationships simply out of envy or to prove some point about your independence. You can hate the day all you want, but can you do the rest of us a favor and stop making us feel guilty for celebrating someone special in our lives.

The point is, there's a difference between acknowledging feeling a little lonely and making people who are in relationships feel responsible for your loneliness. When you ask me how I'm spending Valentine's Day (especially when you know I have a boyfriend) then expect to get a really happy answer that includes how romantic the whole thing is going to be. Don't seriously ask and then get annoyed with my response and roll your eyes because, well, YOU ASKED.

And don't try to turn this into a - "Well you just need a man to make you complete and so you have a reason to celebrate." Sorry to burst your bubble, but I don't have a man in my life because I can't survive on my own or because being alone was just too miserable. I have a man in my life because I happened to meet someone who makes me the happiest I have ever been and I thought he deserved a special place in my life. And if that means I want to celebrate a holiday that you think is stupid just because you'd rather pout then celebrate it in your own way - then just remember you're single every other day of the year too.

Ditch Your Crash Diet

The first month of the new year is over. For those of you who had resolutions to lose weight or get well - now is not the time to give up. Now is the time to keep on pushing or to start back up if you already threw in the towel. And for those of you who haven't found a system that works or are looking for something different, I thought it might be nice to give you a great option for stealing your life back from dieting. 

In this post, I will be doing a little Q&A with Andria, a wellness guru and life coach who owns her own business! The best part about Andria's consulting is she isn't just there to hand you a meal plan or work out plan and step back. She coaches you and encourages you through the entire process - helping you build the confidence you need to make a positive change. 

Andria's Spiel

"I was a chronic dieter for 12 years. I would go on a restrictive diet and lose weight, but I would feel so deprived that eventually I wouldn't be able to take the deprivation anymore so I would eat a bunch of food and gain all the weight back. This weight loss/weight gain cycle continued for 12 years.

I wanted to figure out how to solve this, so I went to Kent and got a degree in Nutrition, and within 2 months of graduating I got a wellness coaching certification.

Through what I learned from school and my own personal experiences with dieting, I created a system to break free from dieting yet still lose weight, and tried it on myself. Within a couple months I was free from the dieting mindset, happy, healthy, and the weight came off. It's stayed off since.

Then I took this system and created a business based off of it called End Your Diet & Trust Yourself. I help people realize why restrictive dieting is harmful, help them reconnect with their hunger and fullness cues so they can eat when they're hungry and stop when they're comfortably full, I help them get rid of the negative relationship with food and get rid of the "good" vs "bad" food way of thinking, I help them relearn how to connect with senses when eating, love & respect their bodies throughout this journey, and use nutrition/exercise guidelines in a fun non-restrictive way. 

Basically I help people find a balance between eating healthy, and eating the not so healthy foods in moderation because diets just lead to binge eating. 95% of diets don't work because of this. Since I'm considered a life coach too, I also help people improve other areas of their life, like stress, career, and relationships. Because all areas of our lives are connected and affect our relationship with food." - Andria

Q & A

Q. What makes your program applicable to all lifestyles and types of people? A. I tailor my program to each person because a healthy lifestyle is not just one size fits all. Everyone has a unique make-up, so it’s extremely important to personalize everything to figure out what works best. I do this by getting to know each client—their likes, dislikes, body type, any medical conditions, their current lifestyle, and how far they need to go in order to reach their goals.
Q. When a person pursuing wellness goals or even goals specific to weight-loss, what kind of support does a program like this have for people who get discouraged? A. It’s easy to get discouraged with health and weight loss. I’ve been through all of the twists and turns myself, so I completely understand how it feels when something doesn’t go as planned. One of my main jobs is to pick the client up off the ground when they feel like they’ve failed. Each second is a new opportunity to look at what didn’t work and make changes. My clients can contact me at any time for support and motivation to keep going on this journey. I also make sure each client keeps a progress journal to record everything—this way they can look back and see how far they’ve come. This journey isn’t a straight line—it includes many ups and downs. Each part is important, even the ones that feel like failure. I encourage clients to look at “failures” as opportunities to make something better.

Q. I’ll be honest, I’ll find every excuse in the book not to eat well and work out. What kind of advice would you give a couch potato, cereal-binger like myself? A. The most important thing is to not go from one extreme to the other. This is a huge mistake people make when trying to be healthy—they go from one end of the spectrum (maybe being a couch potato who does not eat healthy) to perfection. This ultimately doesn’t work. I introduce small, gradual improvements weekly. It’s crucial to master one thing before moving on to another so it isn’t overwhelming. For instance, for the first week the client could go from eating no fruit to eating 1 serving of fruit at least 3 days a week; and going from no exercise to walking at least 3 days a week. Then after that, we can gradually increase the fruit consumption and exercise.
Q. How important do you think confidence is in the process? What kind of advice do you have for how to gain confidence back? A. Confidence is always key, but it can be difficult to maintain. The process of becoming healthy is not just about confidence, but an overall mindset. You have to know that your goals are possible. The only thing holding you back is your choices. Once you realize this and build confidence, you can do it. It is hard to keep this mindset, so I’m here to help them regain it when things get tough. It’s also important to revisit your goals and look at how far you’ve come in order to gain back confidence.

Q. 3 top NO-NO’s for trying to lose weight? A. 1) Restrictive diets do not work! Any initial weight loss is water weight and muscle loss. 95% of diets fail because they are too hard to stick to and have rules that are impossible to follow. Gradual changes over time is what gives permanent results. 2) Don’t take advice from sources that are not credited. The internet is full of incorrect information. This is why it’s extremely important to seek the help of someone who is actually qualified and knows what they are talking about. It can be very dangerous to follow guidelines from unqualified sources. 3) Don’t try to go for perfection with eating or exercise. This causes cravings to build up until you can’t take it anymore and then you binge, causing the weight to come back. Strive to be healthy 80% or more of the time, but allow yourself some room to enjoy treats.
Q. Any other additional comments. A. The journey to health/weight loss is not quick or easy! Great things take time. We’ve become so accustomed to trying quick fixes. But just because it takes time and effort doesn’t mean it can’t be fun!

Bottom line here is if you keep crash dieting just to end up right back where you were, maybe it's time to end your diet and trust yourself! Visit Andria's website for more information!

Don't Discount Progress

Before reading this, I recommend a scroll through this website to understand some of the terminology and also it's a great resource for information on transgender athletics.

Recently, the International Olympic Committee changed their official guidelines for the participation of transgender athletes. Prior to this change, it was required that transgender athletes have reassignment surgery, two years of hormone therapy, and a legal gender identification change in order to participate among the athletes of the gender with which they identified (see this CNN article).

The new change makes it so that those who transition from female to male are not restricted from entering as a male participant at their own discretion. Those transitioning from male to female, however, must declare a gender identification with female and their testosterone levels will also be tested prior to entering, as well as throughout the games. Testosterone levels found must be below 10 nmol/L.

To put it into perspective, the average adult female range for testosterone is between 0.5-2.4 nmol/L (converted from this chart using this converter). The average adult male range for testosterone is between 9.3 and 34.7 nmol/L, indicating that not only is the testosterone cap almost 4 times that of the average female but it is also still within the range of the average male. I'm not an expert on hormone therapy, how involved it may be, any side-effects, or how difficult it is to decline testosterone levels into the single digits, but I do believe that this change proves we are moving in the right direction and providing transgender athletes with more opportunities than before.

This change has been met with some pretty strong support, but even those who fully support equality initiatives still feel that it isn't "enough" of a change. But in my opinion, the negative remarks seem to claim that if a change isn't "enough" then it shouldn't have been made at all - which is crazy.

Consider this. People who struggle with gender identification are consistently fighting against the word "enough." They're not "enough" of the gender with which they identify unless they meet all the stereotypical qualifications of that gender. That is to assume then that if they don't meet those standards then they simply aren't that gender at all - which is, again, crazy!

To stare progress in the face and tell it it's not enough as if no one fought to get that far is insulting. Transgender athletes deserve an equal opportunity, even if some don't feel that it is equal enough. And for transgender women to feel as though it is unfair for them to have to prove their testosterone levels, consider how unfair it is to want to have continued male levels of testosterone while competing against women who would then be put at a disadvantage. If a cisgender woman can't take steroids, then transgender competitors with higher testosterone levels shouldn't be able to have an advantage either, even if it is one they were born with.

I get it, I get it. I seem to be running in circles. I just said that transgenders shouldn't have to fit a gender mold in order to identify with that gender and yet I'm saying there is a standard for hormones. But that's just it - hormones aren't some standard that we just made up one day. They are scientifically relevant and biologically embedded in who we are and how we develop. Having boobs doesn't make you a woman, having a vagina doesn't make you a woman, and having average female levels of testosterone doesn't make you a woman either. But for the sake of a competition that rests in treating both genders fairly and equally, hormones must be considered.

For those of you wondering "What does testosterone have to do with an athletic competition?" Testosterone is the hormone responsible for many processes in the body that effect the one's ability to maintain and build muscle mass. More testosterone = more neurotransmitters encouraging tissue growth. It also contributes to protein synthesis and increased growth hormone which enable exercise to help increase muscle mass (see this article for more information).

A few posts I've come across even seem to suggest that women and men should just be shoved together and compete with one another - taking out gender from the games completely. But let's get real - it is a proven biological fact that men and women are capable of different things in different ways and a competition between both genders in most cases would simply not be fair (hint: why do you think almost all of our athletic entertainment is divided by gender). Women have fought for the right to be treated equally, not for the right to be forced to compete with men just to make them feel that men are superior. All women, both born and transitioned, deserve a chance to compete on equal grounds together to prove their abilities and their determination.

I am not here to pretend that I know the struggles of a transgender individual, but I am simply trying to show that progress we make as a society, no matter how small, should not be made to seem invisible or fruitless. These positive changes represent so much and to discount them simply because you don't think it's "enough" is seemingly disrespectful to all those who have fought so hard.

The definition of "progress" is the forward movement toward a destination; it does not include a definitive or immediate arrival. Progress is simply the procedure, not the end result. The destination we seek is near impossible to reach. We strive for a perfect society knowing fully well just how unrealistic it may be, but to discount progress toward it through this necessity for "enough" is to say "why bother." And quite frankly I think even the craziest goals are worth striving for, especially those that involve making this world a place of equal opportunity for us all.

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Plans Change

Six months ago I was dreaming of California. I was fantasizing about what it would be like to start my life over in a completely different place with completely new people, following aimless dreams, and picking out apartments I'd never be able to afford. And somewhere along the way my happy little cloud where I found my head decided to rain on my parade and I realized just how off base I was with what I actually want for myself.

My social life came to a screeching halt, my summer fling fell apart, and I realized I hadn't had the summer away from home in Columbus that I had dreamed of. If I couldn't handle 120 miles, how could I handle 2,000? The reality is - I can't. And to be totally honest I'm not afraid to admit that because I am proud of the relationship I have with my family and my desire not to move far from them. I'm not disappointed that I don't want to move across the country.

It's funny because I'm sure people are thinking "Oh, it's because of your boyfriend, isn't it?" Hate to break it to you, but it's not - and he knows that. My decision not to pack my things and take off has everything to do with what I want for myself and what I need. Now that graduation is right around the corner it's clear to me that moving away would be a mistake, and moving home provides me with more stability as well as the option to further my education. When I first made the decision about chasing this California Dream, I said that I didn't want to put my dreams on a fear-induced back burner. But the point here is that's not what I'm doing. I'm not walking away from a dream out of fear of the unknown, I'm doing it because of what I do know.

It's unfortunate how frequently people like to make assumptions about your plans because of the one's they have made for themselves. But the reality is, no two people are the same and they aren't going to want the same things. It's even possible that over the course of time what you want for yourself will change, and it's important to remember that you have every right to make those decisions if you know what's best for YOU. So that's what I'm doing because plans change.

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I Love You

I'll never understand why a three word phrase made up of only eight letters can legitimately scare the crap out of someone. But the reality is it often does. People get in relationships and they start to decipher their feelings, and sooner or later they find themselves contemplating telling the person how they really feel. And this simple little phrase is the only one that carries enough impact. Telling someone you love them is a moment of honesty and vulnerability, and it is meant to be special.

When I tell someone I love them I do it because in that moment nothing else in the world matters. I can't think about anything else. My heart is beating so hard it could burst from my chest. My mind is racing so fast and it looks like a street filled with those flashing signs in Vegas. And it is the greatest feeling in the world when those words spill from your lips and you immediately feel relief because you can finally stop keeping it to yourself. But then there is the immediate panic while you sit and wait for them to say it back. And that's fine, that's just how it goes.

But where everything goes wrong is the moment when saying it or not saying it is done in an effort to please other people. When those flashing lights say "What would my friends think?" that is when you have a problem. This idea pretty much goes hand in hand with the "Isn't it a little soon to start dating again?" problem (see my blog about the cookies). The point is it's just not right to make a decision that isn't being made in our own best interest. If we all keep living our lives in an effort to please others, we will be constantly compromising what we want for ourselves. I don't know about you, but that sure doesn't sound like a fun time to me (and I've had quite a few fun times).

The bottom line here is no one knows your feelings better than you do. No one else should have the power to decide whether or not you tell someone you love them. If you honestly feel like that person means that much to you, then you have every right to tell them you love them. Scream it from the rooftop if you so do please. No one has the right to say when it is too early to tell someone you love them and quite frankly it is none of their business. And no matter how long you have been with someone, you should never feel pressured to say it until you are absolutely sure. You have a right to own your feelings and share those feelings as you see fit. So, tell that person you love them or don't tell them. But either way do what makes YOU happy. 

I Swear This Time I Mean It

I am notorious for falling hard and fast. I put my all into something and I see it through until the very end - even if the other person doesn't. There is no way to avoid the fear that comes along after countless heartbreaks and disappointments. Each and every time you have to convince yourself that this time it will be different.

And in this moment where I currently find myself, I can honestly say that I have never been so happy yet so terrified at the same damn time. And in a moment later when he'll be on the other end of the telephone he just might say the same thing if I asked him. We are reading the same word on the same page of the same book that both of us are willing to keep reading. And that is a commitment like one I have never known.

With him there is no honeymoon period. There is no month of bliss followed by months of trying to understand what the hell I did to make him stop putting in effort. With him there is no questioning how he feels. He reminds me every single day that I am a huge part of his world. My efforts to keep his head spinning are what keep his world spinning too.

He does everything he says he will. He is honest, kind, and humble. And although I know he has the capacity to hurt me like no one ever has, I trust him when he promises he never could. And because of all of this, he deserves to be treated accordingly. He needs to know that he is one-of-a-kind and therefore deserves a one-of-kind, once-in-a-lifetime love.

When a four letter word is supposed to encompass all of the adoration you have for someone, how is it possible not to feel the slightest bit guilty for having already said it to someone else before - even if you are convinced that this time it's "different"? I consistently ask myself how it can be done. But the reality is you can sit there and say the phrase on repeat until you are blue in the face, or you can wake up every day and show that person exactly why this time it is in-fact different. And that's exactly what I plan to do because I swear this time I mean it.

To Be Blunt

You know those little ice-breakers or self-awareness activities that require you to list out five words that describe you? When it's my turn, you will (almost) always find in all-caps: BLUNT. This constant desire to tell it like it is has always been burning, and it burns even more so now that I am (arguably) an adult.

Beating around the bush wastes time and energy that I don't have. I'd much rather tell someone an unedited truth than take the time to filter it down so much that it will barely resonate with them. This quality has become a source of confidence for me, and I prize it very much. The positive impact it has had on my life has inspired me to want to help others become more outspoken as well. I am always encouraging my friends to stand up for themselves when they previously wouldn't and to show them the positive impact it can have. 

I can honestly say that I have seen the damage that results from consistently avoiding conflict. You might think that being passive is the better way to go - "no drama" - but in reality that drama will often bite you in the ass later anyways. Conflict is what helps us learn from our mistakes and admit that we are human. And if you're avoiding tension in your relationships and even other social situations, you are restricting not only your growth as an individual, but also the growth of those around you. You are enabling people to avoid taking responsibility for themselves and their actions and hindering your own personal progress in those areas as well. 

Don't get me wrong - being blunt isn't all peaches & cream. Being blunt usually requires a level of confrontation that some people just aren't willing to consider. If you want to stand up for yourself and your beliefs, it will almost always come with a particular amount of resistance. But this experience is great. It helps you grow, and it helps you determine when you really do need to step out of your comfort zone and say something when you normally wouldn't. 

This quality also requires a level of empathy - you can't just run around saying hurtful things just because you associate them somehow with "honesty." Being blunt doesn't mean being a bitch. It's not about calling it like you see it just for the sake of calling something. It's not about insulting, belittling, or embarrassing others. Being blunt is about advocating for the truth because it will provide a greater benefit, not unnecessary harm. Being blunt is about being honest with yourself and those around you for the sake of benefiting the progress of your relationships, yourself, and society. Knowing the difference between being blunt and being a hand-full of other adjectives you don't want to be can go a long way.