Closing Time

Not every night out is the best night out, but you always stay a little later at the really good parties. And if you stay late enough, you are often subjected to the final song of the night. And as the song plays you reluctantly drink the last sip of your Natty, pull your friend off the frat boy, and take leave.

First comes the pregame. You prepare yourself for the night you're about to have. You throw everything you own on the floor as you try on outfit after outfit just to end up in the one your roommate suggested in the first place. Your skirt is so short it's having existential crisis and pondering it's existence because it is so mini it's barely there. You start your night off with your favs - getting pumped about the crazy night your about to have and taking plenty of pictures before your makeup melts off and you look like a hot mess. And then you venture out to find the perfect party.

Now you're at the party. You and your girls are sticking together to avoid any unnecessary contact with boys who don't know how to ASK first before attempting to rub their front-side on your back-side - also known as "dancing." You stand in the typical circle and dance around each other until one of you has one too many jello shots and then you just end up dancing ON each other which only interests the boys even more.

Now your at the "what-the-fuck-was-I-thinking" part of the night but you won't actually call it that until the next morning. Right now you think you're making the best decisions of your life. You climb on the table and dance - forgetting all about your invisible skirt, but who cares. You grab that boy who was a 5 earlier but he's clearly an 8 now courtesy of your third cup of jungle juice and let him ask for your number. You might even invite him home for cuddling - just cuddling. 

And the very bittersweet end is near. You know that it's time to go home. Your feet are so sore you can't even feel the pain anymore, your hair is in that messy bun from your 20th trip to the bathroom when you just said "fuck it" and put it up, and that 8 is a foggy 9 and you know that it's time to cuddle with him. And then it plays... "Closing time. One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer..." 

I honestly think that college is like one big, great night out. Freshman year is the pregame when you try to figure out who you are now that you've started this new chapter in your life. You try to find the best friends to spend the next four years with and you put your best foot forward. Sophomore year is the happy first half of the party and you're still learning the ropes. Junior year is the other half of the party when you've finally figured yourself out enough to know that she's boring and so you start to act out a little. And senior year is the the final hour when you realize you've had an amazing time regardless of any mishaps along the way and you're thankful for the memories. And then it plays some more... "Closing time. You don't have to go home but you can't stay here."

Carried Away At 1,000,000 MPH

Boys like him should come with a warning label: "You're about to get carried away. Hold on tight. Speed will be beyond calculation. Turns will be unexpected. Can and will end at any point without warning. Broken heart is highly likely."  Something about him made all the walls I had built collapse and I didn't know why; I just melted right in the palm of his hand. I wasn't even trying to meet someone, but once he came into the picture there really was no turning back.

Being with him was like moving at a million miles per hour. There wasn't much hesitation and I didn't really consider the risk I might be taking. It felt incredible to be with someone who I felt I could be myself around and who actually seemed to value me beyond something physical. Once we realized how we felt about each other, it immediately accelerated and there was no chance of slowing down.

Everything about our relationship felt like it was on fast-forward, and unfortunately things ended just about as quickly as they started. It seemed like his life never slowed down, and my presence created no exception. At first I admired his constant desire to live life in the fast lane, but eventually I realized how much he enjoyed being in that lane solo. I convinced myself that I needed to be more like him and to be more concerned with where we were rather than where we could have been going, but that didn't change how devalued it made me feel.

I realize that sometimes you have to be the spectator; cheering on your significant other while you sit in the stands. But the relationship shouldn't leave you feeling like you're always a second thought. You should feel like you are an essential part of their happiness and a valued part of their life. I let myself believe that it was okay because I thought it would change with time. I believed that eventually I would become as important to him as he had become to me, but he let me go and that made me realize I was wrong. And I can't blame him for letting go. I think if I was really who he was supposed to be with he wouldn't have felt like he needed to shove me in - he would have willingly made room without hesitation.

Sometimes things just don't work no matter how hard you try, especially when life throws a curve ball and changes the entire game. And that's just the way life works. Sometimes you can meet someone who you think is incredibly right at the absolute wrong time. But life doesn't slow down for anybody, and you better be prepared because getting carried away at a million miles per hour is no joke.

But First... Let Me Take A Selfie

I know what you "selfie-shamers" are thinking about us "selfie-takers." We're narcissistic, right? Insecure? Maybe you'd even call us an attention-seeking fill-in-the-blank? But if that's really the case then I could make the same arguments about you. I mean, it would make perfect sense seeing as I could argue that you're mad someone else other than you is receiving attention, you're jealous that someone else feels comfortable posting a selfie when you don't, or maybe you're commenting on our selfies for attention. See how that works? There are two sides to every story, and there are more reasons (beyond those related to external validation) to post selfies.

Anti-Selfie Arguments: (click here to see the article I'm using as a reference)

1. No one cares.
UUURRKAAADUR. We don't post selfies because we don't know people don't care. We post selfies because WE care. If we are feeling good and we want the world to know about it, then maybe we feel like posting a selfie is a good way to share that confidence.

2. You will lose followers.
And that is perfectly fine. If someone doesn't support our posts then they are better off not following us anyways. No sense in them scrolling down their feed just to see a selfie and scoff every day.

3. The filters are a lie.
WELL NO SHIT. And that pretty sunset pic you took probably looks great with that filter too. People don't just use filters to alter the way the way they look in their selfies; they use filters to enhance their reality. This isn't news.

4. You did not #WakeUpLikeThat.
Okay, sure. Maybe so-and-so didn't wake up with six pounds of mascara on her face or a perfect contour, but is it really up to you to call her out on it? Are you really doing society any favors by trolling through instagram accounts to call out fully made up faces for not waking up perfect? Piece of advice - get a life.

5. The number of likes you get should not be directly correlated to your self-worth.
Now here, my friends, is where we agree. No, selfies should not be used as a form of direct validation. But the issue here is you don't always know if that's why the person posted the selfie. If the caption reads something like "I'm so ugly" or anything along those lines then I COMPLETELY agree that it shouldn't have been posted. You should post a selfie because you love yourself and you're proud of who you are, not because you feel awful and think "likes" are going to make you feel better.

6. You're missing out on worthy photo-ops because you're too busy striking your best pose.
Okay, so I'm not allowed to take a picture of myself enjoying my surroundings? Just because I want to document the expression on my face while I'm hiking through Hocking Hills with my two best friends doesn't mean I wasn't really soaking in all of my surroundings. And sharing it on instagram is my way of thanking those friends for sharing in those moments with me. Back off dude.

Are we done yet? I wish.

7. They make you seem self-absorbed.
So... because I'm confident and I feel like posting a selfie because I look good I'm completely absorbed in myself and have no care in the world for other people other than me... interesting. FALSE. Please take your selfie-psycho-analyzing somewhere else.

8. Everyone can see through your humblebragging.
I for one think that bragging can be a good thing sometimes. Of course, staying humble is often essential. But I think it's okay to acknowledge your accomplishments and growth - even if others see it as bragging. Maybe you just recently mastered a new makeup trick, maybe you climbed to the top of a mountain, or maybe you lost 50 pounds. Whatever the reason, you should be able to post a selfie to commemorate the moment if that's what you feel like doing.

9. Your duck face is going to get you mocked.
Oi vey... If the girl wants to do the duck face then so be it. She doesn't live to please other people. If you don't like her duck face or if someone picks on her duck face - who is the real problem person here? I'll give you a hint - it's not the duck. You obviously never read the ugly duckling.

10. You should be watching the road.
Totally in agreement here & I don't really think this needs to be explained much. Don't multitask while driving. Even if the lighting is perfect and the wind is blowing your hair. I don't care. It's not worth it.

11. We all know you took 20 awful ones before the one you posted.
Picture it, you're at Thanksgiving dinner and you've all just entered the deepest stage of food induced coma when your great aunt tells you it's time to gather for family pictures (c'mon guys, this can't only happen to me...). Every one lines up but you never can take just one picture because somebody blinked or somebody was in the bathroom hiding. Sure, maybe a selfie should be simpler because it's just one person, but no body is perfect and sometimes it takes a few bad angles before you feel like it really captures how good you look and how good you feel about it. NO SHAME.

12. You should be embarrassed if you do this in public.
Okay, sometimes this can be pretty awkward if your whipping out your selfie stick in the middle of the mall. But if you want to take a selfie next to that giraffe at the zoo - you do you. If you really think the person is embarrassed, maybe you should offer to take the picture for them instead of pointing and laughing - even if it is in the canned food isle of the grocery store.

OOO MY PERSONAL FAVORITE IS NEXT.

13. Your cleavage is never an accident, but nice try.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that girls who simply post these for attention should get praised or something. But at the end of the day this girl might just be really proud of her assets and wants to put them in the spotlight. There are pros and cons to all body types, so when someone fully accepts who they are and feels like flaunting it a little - who are you to stop them? And if the real problem here is your jealousy... well, then you and your A-cups can just sit back down.

The reality is we are all a little insecure, a little narcissistic, and a little attention seeking sometimes. The person in that selfie might not be as bad as you think. And I know this because the person in that selfie is often me. And I'm pretty sure if I didn't post it for some sort of need for validation then there are probably other people like me who didn't either. Whether or not someone takes a selfie shouldn't define them. I don't care if its obvious they  pulled their shirt down, ruffled up their shirt to show their tattoo or abs, or took a picture in their new bikini in February; that's their choice. It's not your job to be the selfie police, hiding behind your keyboard for protection. So if you don't like it, there is an "unfollow" button for a reason.

What Now?

For so long my life has been a series of dreams followed by a carefully designed justification for why letting them go was easier than actually trying. I have been consistently running away from creating dreams simply because that's been easier than facing the thought that they might end up in failure. As I started my third year at Ohio State, I vowed to change that attitude.

Maybe a lot of the things I have managed to do this year weren't on my "dream" list exactly, but I don't think I would be taking my dreams seriously without them. Becoming co-president of a club has inspired me and taught me how much I enjoy being in a leadership role. Blogging has not only given me a place to enjoy writing, but it has even helped a few of my followers. I even got my license recently which just proves that no matter how long something takes it's still worth doing if you want it badly enough. It's amazing how just a few changes in my life have made such a difference, and it only makes me more hopeful for the challenges and opportunities I will face in the coming years.

As I approach my last year of college I can't help but think of the obligatory "What now?" question that eats away at so many graduates. It sneak-attacks at family gatherings, floods the conversation at dinner, and crushes you each and every time you hear someone else answer it when you still have no idea. But while some kids take an unnecessary fifth year or start working at the only job they could find, I think I'd rather start pursuing dreams instead of settling just to avoid failing.

Lately I've been hooked on this idea that I want to move to California. I've been considering it for about a year or so, but I always follow up the thought with a "yeah, right," but I think it's time I start taking it more seriously. A lot of people think it's crazy and expensive (which it is), but I think it's something I need to do for myself.

Maybe by the time I graduate I'll completely change my mind, but I think from now on I'm done putting my dreams on some fear-induced back burner. This last year has taught me that avoiding failure is the same as avoiding a chance to succeed and find happiness. It's time that I stop letting the idea of failure stop me from actually facing it once in a while because if I don't it's only going to keep me from being satisfied with my life.

Confessions of a Chronic Overthinker

"He told me he likes me. Finally! This is wonderful! But wait... what if he just means like a little bit? What if by "like" he just means "tolerates"? Or what if he just meant that he liked me in that moment but as far as actual feelings go, he really doesn't like me? But then why would he tell me he likes me? He probably meant he likes pizza... Yeah, that's it. Oh god, he doesn't like me. I should have seen this coming. Where's the ice cream?"

Honestly, I am the queen of overthinking. You could tell me something and over the course of 5-10 minutes I could go from believing you to fabricating some sort of alternate statement that means completely the opposite of what you had intended to say at all. My personal favorite is when I overthink the words between the lines because not only did I infer what you were thinking while you were talking, but I also sat there and twisted around both my inference and what you actually said out loud. 

I won't lie. Working on this bad habit has been a personal struggle of mine. It's taken me years to realize that if you really trust someone then you should believe them when they tell you something. You shouldn't sit there and come up with reasons why what they're saying can't possibly be true. And if you feel like there is something you need or want to know that isn't being said, rather than assuming what they are thinking, ASK. If they seriously get mad about that then you deserve better. If they would really rather have you sit there in your own assumption-induced agony than tell you the truth, then they obviously don't care enough about you. 

The reality is, overthinking pisses people off. And for good reason. That same crappy feeling you get while you're sitting there second-guessing is the same thing they feel when they know they've been second-guessed. No one wants to feel like everything they say is being over-analyzed, and the more you do it the less they are going to want to talk to you about anything. It isn't fair to either of you, and it sure as hell isn't going to make the situation any better. 

Sometimes you have to take a step back and as yourself if the thoughts you are having are justified. Have they actually said or done something that you honestly think is evidence to support what you're thinking? And if so, approach them about it. Odds are it could all just be a misunderstanding. And if you are honest with the person about your tendency to overthink they will probably understand, so long as you don't do it so frequently it drives them insane. So give your brain a rest and stop overthinking. And if you're currently overthinking about overthinking as a result of reading this post - contact a medical professional immediately because you've got bigger problems honey. 

Season 6 Episode 21

Lately I have been sucked into watching the show House. After the first season or so you start to notice a pattern. The team decides on a diagnosis, then they're wrong, and then this repeats until there's roughly about 5 minutes left in the episode and they finally get the diagnosis right. You'd think that something so repetitive and predictable would get old, no matter how many different medical stories they could come up with, but you'd be surprised what you can learn and it can keep you on the couch for hours at a time (Also, comments on how to cure a Netflix addiction are welcomed - asking for a friend).

The more I've watched the show the more it's made me realize not only how exaggerated and dramatic it is, but it's somehow applicable to the way we approach life. Every step we take that leads us somewhere we didn't want to end up is like a misdiagnosis. We think we've found the problem so we make a change and suddenly our situation either stays the same or worsens. Every relationship we enter, every job offer we take, every decision we make in our lives can somehow seem so right in that moment yet sometimes backfire moments later.

If we know that each step could possibly end up making us worse off, then why keep walking? Why keep hoping that one day one all of these steps will actually pay off rather than settling for where we are now? This is where the repetition comes in. We allow ourselves to make mistakes and take poorly calculated leaps through life because deep down beneath how angry we are when they don't work out we are thankful and hopeful that they will lead us somewhere better.

For instance, some people say they stay out of relationships because they don't want to get hurt. I don't think it's the pain of little heartbreaks along the way they're really afraid of at all. If you ask me, they're just afraid of  finding someone who makes them genuinely happy because the possibility of finding that and then losing it is something not even the bravest of us want to face. But the reality is, without pain, disappointment, failure, and all those other nouns we're so afraid of, we wouldn't even know what the good ones really mean to us.

So take that step you've been avoiding because even if it's the wrong one you are still capable of moving forward from it. Don't let an episode (life) full of misdiagnoses (mistakes) keep you from finding your cure (happiness). I promise you that even though it might seem like things will never look up, eventually they will, but they'll never get there if you refuse to keep trying.

Big Mouth

I can't tell you the number of times I have been asked the following questions...

"Do you realize how much you talk?"

"Do you hear how loud you are?"

"Do you ever shut up?"

Typically, after someone asks one of these I just sit there in silence - mostly because my chest sinks so deep in embarrassment that I find it hard enough to breathe, let alone speak. But after many years of hearing them and still suffering every time someone asks them - I'm finally answering. No, as a matter of fact, I don't. And to be quite honest, even if I did I would not reduce the amount or volume at which I speak just to please you.

Call me whatever name in the book you want. Hit me with that "your name suits you" and continue on your way. Try to rain on my verbal parade with "shut up" and "keep it down." And toss in a "do you ever stop talking" just for good measure. Go for it, I dare you. But no matter how many hurtful things you want to say to me about my talking, I'll still keep doing it.

When something bugs me, I speak up about it. When I have an opinion, I want it heard. When I think something is funny, I burst out in laughter. If you want to go through life constantly reducing who you are just because other people are intimidated, annoyed, or simply want you to be like them then go for it, but I won't. I will not minimize who I am to make others feel better about who they are.

If you're a talker like me - don't change. Don't let the people around you make you feel like your voice is too much just because they're probably paranoid that theirs will never be enough. And don't feel like you need to walk around with a constant filter. I am proud of myself for always being the one to tell it like it is, and if you were blessed with this talent then you should embrace it too. Be your loud, obnoxious, blunt self and don't apologize for it. Just don't be hurtful because then you're just like the people telling you to "shut up."

People won't ever silence me, no matter how badly they want it or how determined they are to do it. I have always been and will always be a big mouth. And to be quite honest, I wouldn't want to be anything else. My name is Gabby, after all.