I Swear This Time I Mean It

I am notorious for falling hard and fast. I put my all into something and I see it through until the very end - even if the other person doesn't. There is no way to avoid the fear that comes along after countless heartbreaks and disappointments. Each and every time you have to convince yourself that this time it will be different.

And in this moment where I currently find myself, I can honestly say that I have never been so happy yet so terrified at the same damn time. And in a moment later when he'll be on the other end of the telephone he just might say the same thing if I asked him. We are reading the same word on the same page of the same book that both of us are willing to keep reading. And that is a commitment like one I have never known.

With him there is no honeymoon period. There is no month of bliss followed by months of trying to understand what the hell I did to make him stop putting in effort. With him there is no questioning how he feels. He reminds me every single day that I am a huge part of his world. My efforts to keep his head spinning are what keep his world spinning too.

He does everything he says he will. He is honest, kind, and humble. And although I know he has the capacity to hurt me like no one ever has, I trust him when he promises he never could. And because of all of this, he deserves to be treated accordingly. He needs to know that he is one-of-a-kind and therefore deserves a one-of-kind, once-in-a-lifetime love.

When a four letter word is supposed to encompass all of the adoration you have for someone, how is it possible not to feel the slightest bit guilty for having already said it to someone else before - even if you are convinced that this time it's "different"? I consistently ask myself how it can be done. But the reality is you can sit there and say the phrase on repeat until you are blue in the face, or you can wake up every day and show that person exactly why this time it is in-fact different. And that's exactly what I plan to do because I swear this time I mean it.

To Be Blunt

You know those little ice-breakers or self-awareness activities that require you to list out five words that describe you? When it's my turn, you will (almost) always find in all-caps: BLUNT. This constant desire to tell it like it is has always been burning, and it burns even more so now that I am (arguably) an adult.

Beating around the bush wastes time and energy that I don't have. I'd much rather tell someone an unedited truth than take the time to filter it down so much that it will barely resonate with them. This quality has become a source of confidence for me, and I prize it very much. The positive impact it has had on my life has inspired me to want to help others become more outspoken as well. I am always encouraging my friends to stand up for themselves when they previously wouldn't and to show them the positive impact it can have. 

I can honestly say that I have seen the damage that results from consistently avoiding conflict. You might think that being passive is the better way to go - "no drama" - but in reality that drama will often bite you in the ass later anyways. Conflict is what helps us learn from our mistakes and admit that we are human. And if you're avoiding tension in your relationships and even other social situations, you are restricting not only your growth as an individual, but also the growth of those around you. You are enabling people to avoid taking responsibility for themselves and their actions and hindering your own personal progress in those areas as well. 

Don't get me wrong - being blunt isn't all peaches & cream. Being blunt usually requires a level of confrontation that some people just aren't willing to consider. If you want to stand up for yourself and your beliefs, it will almost always come with a particular amount of resistance. But this experience is great. It helps you grow, and it helps you determine when you really do need to step out of your comfort zone and say something when you normally wouldn't. 

This quality also requires a level of empathy - you can't just run around saying hurtful things just because you associate them somehow with "honesty." Being blunt doesn't mean being a bitch. It's not about calling it like you see it just for the sake of calling something. It's not about insulting, belittling, or embarrassing others. Being blunt is about advocating for the truth because it will provide a greater benefit, not unnecessary harm. Being blunt is about being honest with yourself and those around you for the sake of benefiting the progress of your relationships, yourself, and society. Knowing the difference between being blunt and being a hand-full of other adjectives you don't want to be can go a long way.

As I Am, Not As You Wish

You don't have to "like" everything about someone, but if you're going to love them then you have to love all of them. You have to love their ugly cry, their nail biting, their boisterous laugh, and their annoying habit of drinking milk out of the carton. This doesn't mean that you settle for those things if they would normally be a deal breaker just because the person has additional redeeming qualities. It simply means that if you can't love everything then you'd be settling if you stayed.

Even in the most controlled dating atmosphere's like an online site where you fill out what you're looking for, you still are going to run into a few people that have too many qualities that bother you. But the goal is not to say, "Eh, they'll do." The goal is to find someone who has some not so favorable qualities, but you love them because all of their qualities, good and bad, intertwine to make them the amazing person that you admire and care for.

There is a huge difference between settling and accepting someone's flaws. Settling is NEVER the answer. Settling hurts you, it hurts the person being settled for, and it almost never works out anyways. So why waste the time? 

And for the people out there who claim they are willing to make the change - DO IT FOR YOU. Don't do it for the person who made you feel awful about it. Don't do it for the person who said they'd love you just a little bit more if you stopped the behavior. Do it because you love yourself enough to know when it is time to change - not because someone else convinced you that their conditional love was reason enough to. 

You should never have to change to please a person who claims to love you. The moment the words "I love you" spill from their lips is the exact same moment that they promise to accept all of your faults and love you FOR them, not in spite of them or because there is a prospect they will change. 

Don't get me wrong. We all have bad days when just about anyone is going to drive us crazy, especially our significant other. But if you can't seem to look past a particular quality, and if it is getting in the way of maintaining a healthy relationship, it might be time to call it quits. And if you're constantly feeling pushed down by your significant other for who you are, it is important to remember that you deserve better.

Take me as I am, not as you wish for me to be.

1 (800) 273-8255

I am not an expert on the topic. I have never experienced first hand its complete devastation and permanence. I can't even begin to imagine the pain that is felt when a family member or close friend chooses such an unfortunate path for themselves. Today is a day that is dedicated to world-wide suicide prevention. One day out of 365. But this single day could save even just one life of the seven billion people who walk this earth. And I think even that possibility, regardless of how small it may seem in the grand scheme of things, is worth writing this for.

I took a little stroll on the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention page, and I was shocked at some of the awful statistics I discovered. One of the things that stuck out so strongly for me is the fact that, as of 2013, Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death for Americans.The 9 causes of death that precede it are all health problems or accidents that are in some cases preventable, but in most cases are rarely preventable at all. Let that sink in for a moment...

Suicide is 100% preventable.

One of the most fascinating things I have found in the process of learning more about suicide and suicide prevention has been Project Semicolon. Writers use a semicolon where they originally may have chosen to use a period but decided to continue their sentence instead. In that same way, those who are effected by mental illness are encouraged to be the authors of their own future and decide to choose life over suicide.

Never forget that no matter how small you may seem in this world, no matter how immense your problems are, and regardless of your race, gender, sexual orientation, class, occupation, and so many other social classifications - YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING. Your life has meaning and you have the power to use your struggle to inspire, encourage, and leave this world a better place thanks to your presence. Don't let yourself or anyone else make you believe that you should choose a period over a semicolon because your life is always a story with writing; you just might have to start a new chapter.

I don't want to sound like one of those infomercials for random lawyers and medical problems but seriously - If you or someone you know might be struggling with thoughts of suicide or mental illness, please don't hesitate to reach out for help. There are so many programs and projects popping up every day and everywhere that are ready and willing to help.

This is the suicide prevention hotline:
1 (800) 273-8255

Closing Time

Not every night out is the best night out, but you always stay a little later at the really good parties. And if you stay late enough, you are often subjected to the final song of the night. And as the song plays you reluctantly drink the last sip of your Natty, pull your friend off the frat boy, and take leave.

First comes the pregame. You prepare yourself for the night you're about to have. You throw everything you own on the floor as you try on outfit after outfit just to end up in the one your roommate suggested in the first place. Your skirt is so short it's having existential crisis and pondering it's existence because it is so mini it's barely there. You start your night off with your favs - getting pumped about the crazy night your about to have and taking plenty of pictures before your makeup melts off and you look like a hot mess. And then you venture out to find the perfect party.

Now you're at the party. You and your girls are sticking together to avoid any unnecessary contact with boys who don't know how to ASK first before attempting to rub their front-side on your back-side - also known as "dancing." You stand in the typical circle and dance around each other until one of you has one too many jello shots and then you just end up dancing ON each other which only interests the boys even more.

Now your at the "what-the-fuck-was-I-thinking" part of the night but you won't actually call it that until the next morning. Right now you think you're making the best decisions of your life. You climb on the table and dance - forgetting all about your invisible skirt, but who cares. You grab that boy who was a 5 earlier but he's clearly an 8 now courtesy of your third cup of jungle juice and let him ask for your number. You might even invite him home for cuddling - just cuddling. 

And the very bittersweet end is near. You know that it's time to go home. Your feet are so sore you can't even feel the pain anymore, your hair is in that messy bun from your 20th trip to the bathroom when you just said "fuck it" and put it up, and that 8 is a foggy 9 and you know that it's time to cuddle with him. And then it plays... "Closing time. One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer..." 

I honestly think that college is like one big, great night out. Freshman year is the pregame when you try to figure out who you are now that you've started this new chapter in your life. You try to find the best friends to spend the next four years with and you put your best foot forward. Sophomore year is the happy first half of the party and you're still learning the ropes. Junior year is the other half of the party when you've finally figured yourself out enough to know that she's boring and so you start to act out a little. And senior year is the the final hour when you realize you've had an amazing time regardless of any mishaps along the way and you're thankful for the memories. And then it plays some more... "Closing time. You don't have to go home but you can't stay here."

Carried Away At 1,000,000 MPH

Boys like him should come with a warning label: "You're about to get carried away. Hold on tight. Speed will be beyond calculation. Turns will be unexpected. Can and will end at any point without warning. Broken heart is highly likely."  Something about him made all the walls I had built collapse and I didn't know why; I just melted right in the palm of his hand. I wasn't even trying to meet someone, but once he came into the picture there really was no turning back.

Being with him was like moving at a million miles per hour. There wasn't much hesitation and I didn't really consider the risk I might be taking. It felt incredible to be with someone who I felt I could be myself around and who actually seemed to value me beyond something physical. Once we realized how we felt about each other, it immediately accelerated and there was no chance of slowing down.

Everything about our relationship felt like it was on fast-forward, and unfortunately things ended just about as quickly as they started. It seemed like his life never slowed down, and my presence created no exception. At first I admired his constant desire to live life in the fast lane, but eventually I realized how much he enjoyed being in that lane solo. I convinced myself that I needed to be more like him and to be more concerned with where we were rather than where we could have been going, but that didn't change how devalued it made me feel.

I realize that sometimes you have to be the spectator; cheering on your significant other while you sit in the stands. But the relationship shouldn't leave you feeling like you're always a second thought. You should feel like you are an essential part of their happiness and a valued part of their life. I let myself believe that it was okay because I thought it would change with time. I believed that eventually I would become as important to him as he had become to me, but he let me go and that made me realize I was wrong. And I can't blame him for letting go. I think if I was really who he was supposed to be with he wouldn't have felt like he needed to shove me in - he would have willingly made room without hesitation.

Sometimes things just don't work no matter how hard you try, especially when life throws a curve ball and changes the entire game. And that's just the way life works. Sometimes you can meet someone who you think is incredibly right at the absolute wrong time. But life doesn't slow down for anybody, and you better be prepared because getting carried away at a million miles per hour is no joke.

But First... Let Me Take A Selfie

I know what you "selfie-shamers" are thinking about us "selfie-takers." We're narcissistic, right? Insecure? Maybe you'd even call us an attention-seeking fill-in-the-blank? But if that's really the case then I could make the same arguments about you. I mean, it would make perfect sense seeing as I could argue that you're mad someone else other than you is receiving attention, you're jealous that someone else feels comfortable posting a selfie when you don't, or maybe you're commenting on our selfies for attention. See how that works? There are two sides to every story, and there are more reasons (beyond those related to external validation) to post selfies.

Anti-Selfie Arguments: (click here to see the article I'm using as a reference)

1. No one cares.
UUURRKAAADUR. We don't post selfies because we don't know people don't care. We post selfies because WE care. If we are feeling good and we want the world to know about it, then maybe we feel like posting a selfie is a good way to share that confidence.

2. You will lose followers.
And that is perfectly fine. If someone doesn't support our posts then they are better off not following us anyways. No sense in them scrolling down their feed just to see a selfie and scoff every day.

3. The filters are a lie.
WELL NO SHIT. And that pretty sunset pic you took probably looks great with that filter too. People don't just use filters to alter the way the way they look in their selfies; they use filters to enhance their reality. This isn't news.

4. You did not #WakeUpLikeThat.
Okay, sure. Maybe so-and-so didn't wake up with six pounds of mascara on her face or a perfect contour, but is it really up to you to call her out on it? Are you really doing society any favors by trolling through instagram accounts to call out fully made up faces for not waking up perfect? Piece of advice - get a life.

5. The number of likes you get should not be directly correlated to your self-worth.
Now here, my friends, is where we agree. No, selfies should not be used as a form of direct validation. But the issue here is you don't always know if that's why the person posted the selfie. If the caption reads something like "I'm so ugly" or anything along those lines then I COMPLETELY agree that it shouldn't have been posted. You should post a selfie because you love yourself and you're proud of who you are, not because you feel awful and think "likes" are going to make you feel better.

6. You're missing out on worthy photo-ops because you're too busy striking your best pose.
Okay, so I'm not allowed to take a picture of myself enjoying my surroundings? Just because I want to document the expression on my face while I'm hiking through Hocking Hills with my two best friends doesn't mean I wasn't really soaking in all of my surroundings. And sharing it on instagram is my way of thanking those friends for sharing in those moments with me. Back off dude.

Are we done yet? I wish.

7. They make you seem self-absorbed.
So... because I'm confident and I feel like posting a selfie because I look good I'm completely absorbed in myself and have no care in the world for other people other than me... interesting. FALSE. Please take your selfie-psycho-analyzing somewhere else.

8. Everyone can see through your humblebragging.
I for one think that bragging can be a good thing sometimes. Of course, staying humble is often essential. But I think it's okay to acknowledge your accomplishments and growth - even if others see it as bragging. Maybe you just recently mastered a new makeup trick, maybe you climbed to the top of a mountain, or maybe you lost 50 pounds. Whatever the reason, you should be able to post a selfie to commemorate the moment if that's what you feel like doing.

9. Your duck face is going to get you mocked.
Oi vey... If the girl wants to do the duck face then so be it. She doesn't live to please other people. If you don't like her duck face or if someone picks on her duck face - who is the real problem person here? I'll give you a hint - it's not the duck. You obviously never read the ugly duckling.

10. You should be watching the road.
Totally in agreement here & I don't really think this needs to be explained much. Don't multitask while driving. Even if the lighting is perfect and the wind is blowing your hair. I don't care. It's not worth it.

11. We all know you took 20 awful ones before the one you posted.
Picture it, you're at Thanksgiving dinner and you've all just entered the deepest stage of food induced coma when your great aunt tells you it's time to gather for family pictures (c'mon guys, this can't only happen to me...). Every one lines up but you never can take just one picture because somebody blinked or somebody was in the bathroom hiding. Sure, maybe a selfie should be simpler because it's just one person, but no body is perfect and sometimes it takes a few bad angles before you feel like it really captures how good you look and how good you feel about it. NO SHAME.

12. You should be embarrassed if you do this in public.
Okay, sometimes this can be pretty awkward if your whipping out your selfie stick in the middle of the mall. But if you want to take a selfie next to that giraffe at the zoo - you do you. If you really think the person is embarrassed, maybe you should offer to take the picture for them instead of pointing and laughing - even if it is in the canned food isle of the grocery store.

OOO MY PERSONAL FAVORITE IS NEXT.

13. Your cleavage is never an accident, but nice try.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that girls who simply post these for attention should get praised or something. But at the end of the day this girl might just be really proud of her assets and wants to put them in the spotlight. There are pros and cons to all body types, so when someone fully accepts who they are and feels like flaunting it a little - who are you to stop them? And if the real problem here is your jealousy... well, then you and your A-cups can just sit back down.

The reality is we are all a little insecure, a little narcissistic, and a little attention seeking sometimes. The person in that selfie might not be as bad as you think. And I know this because the person in that selfie is often me. And I'm pretty sure if I didn't post it for some sort of need for validation then there are probably other people like me who didn't either. Whether or not someone takes a selfie shouldn't define them. I don't care if its obvious they  pulled their shirt down, ruffled up their shirt to show their tattoo or abs, or took a picture in their new bikini in February; that's their choice. It's not your job to be the selfie police, hiding behind your keyboard for protection. So if you don't like it, there is an "unfollow" button for a reason.