Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Nobody Likes When You're 23

Here we are. Another year older. Another year... wiser?

I guess you could say 22 was an tough age. I learned a lot about myself. A lot about love. A lot about life. 22 tested me in ways I never thought possible. It brought me new challenges. Made me more self-aware of my faults, my weaknesses, and where my confidence had begun to waiver.

I started my first big girl job and learned what it's like to only have a life on weekday evenings and weekends, which doesn't seem so bad until you add in the exhaustion that keeps you from wanting to do anything but sit at home. I moved into an apartment with my best friend and adopted two kitties, the greatest highlights for sure. I continued to work on my relationship and all of the responsibility that comes with being the center of someone's world.

I have realized so much about myself at 22. I realized I'm not the same girl I was in college. And I realized that, in some ways, I miss her. I miss being the girl who was unapologetically herself. The girl who didn't give a rats ass what anyone thought. Here I've been, beating myself up day in and day out for not being that same girl. For not being as skinny. As funny. As driven. Or as confident.

I've changed into someone who has little patience, little motivation, and little time for self-love. I've let things bring me down that shouldn't. I've let people influence me who shouldn't have a say. I've let my relationship and friendships at times go uncultivated and unappreciated. And I've let myself become so stuck in this rut that I didn't feel like I could find a way out.

But I'm ready for things to change. 

So here's to making 23 my year. Here's to making changes, taking chances, and not taking no for an answer. Here's to saying yes to more adventures. Here's to standing stronger and finding my inner "that girl" again. Here's to falling back in love with myself, so I can put my best foot forward back into life. Here's to putting myself first, and taking the relationships I know I love and need back into the forefront.

So maybe nobody likes when you're 23, but I'm going to make this my best year yet.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

The Balancing Act

When someone in your family or friend group enters into a relationship, it can be a testing time for everyone. Not only is this new person about to become a big part of their life (possibly against your wishes), but they're also going to be taking away some of this person's time that used to be spent with you. Whether it's a friend, a sibling, or even a parent- if you're relationship is close, it might be hard to adjust to at first.

Sometimes they're going to choose this significant other over you. And it's not because they are more "significant" than you, it just means they're significant enough to make sacrifices for. They just might not have as much time to give you anymore because now it's being split in another direction. I know what you're thinking - "Well, make time!" Unfortunately, there are only so many hours in a day (and truthfully I don't know anyone whose rubbing elbows enough with Father Time to change that). There is only so much a person can do to balance everything they have going on in addition to this new relationship and you.

Although it might not feel so simple, it really is a simple matter of time. When this person starts dating, it's possible they may only be able to give half the time they used to, or even less on some days. And sure it may feel awful, but that doesn't mean that they don't care or they don't want to spend time with you at all. It just means they want to spend time with the new person in their life too, and the only way to do that is to spend less time with you. And that's just simple math, not an act of disrespect.

The reality is, if you care about this person as much as you think, maybe it's time to stop griping about their lack of time, and start getting a grip. Change is inevitable. This person could be in their life for an indefinite period of time, and the sooner you start to understand their new priorities, the sooner things will start to improve. Taking things personally will only lead to them wanting to spend less time with you because they won't feel supported or understood.

So instead of getting angry, try to be more understanding. Have open conversations about how you feel, but also know that they may not be willing or able to do much about it. The amount of hours that they have in a day will never change, but your attitude can. It's all just a balancing act - and they're most likely doing the best they can, whether you think so or not.

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Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Crying on the way “Home”

Moving out on your own always sounds like a great idea. I mean, sure there are the bills and everything that comes along with it, but the reality is you are FREE. Free from rules, free from expectations other than your own (and maybe your roommate’s), free from being nagged about your messy room.

But once the boxes are unpacked and the moving dust has settled – you might have time for the reality of this change to weigh on your mind. Maybe you underestimated just how much you valued all those things you’re now “free” from; not to mention, all the benefits you had before that you most likely took for granted (such as your mom packing your lunch for work every day- thanks, mom).   
   
Sometimes you’re driving home and realize you got off the wrong exit because you forgot that isn’t “home” anymore. Sometimes you have a question that you know your mom could answer but instead of walking down the hallway you have to pick up the phone. Sometimes your roommate isn’t home so there’s just too much silence. And sometimes it all just gets to you – more than you thought it could.


But even with the few downsides, moving out really can have plenty of upsides, especially when you plan things right and you know you're ready. It gives you an opportunity to test yourself and find your strengths and weaknesses in a new realm of adulthood. It allows you to learn more about yourself than you could have if you never left home. 

So maybe you'll cry on the way to your new home for a few days. But eventually it won't make much of a difference because you'll know that no matter where you are, you still have your family. They're just not down the hallway anymore, but that's okay because you can walk around the house without pants on.

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