Thursday, April 14, 2016

A Different Kind of Heartbreak

It's crazy how one minute someone is one of the biggest parts of your life and the next you find yourself looking at old photographs wondering when things started to take a turn. They've been with you through it all - the good, the bad, and the ugly - but now they're really not with you much at all. You look at the memories as if you still haven't really accepted that things have changed.

Whether it's a friend you've known since childhood or a friend you've met later on - losing their companionship can fuel emotional responses you didn't even know you were capable of. Fallen friendships are the version of heartbreak no one really warns you about. Everyone tells you about the boy who will break your heart into a million little pieces, but no one bothers to tell you that the girl who you so willingly share everything with is capable of blowing it to smithereens.

There's something special about a best friend. Something that doesn't just develop with years, but develops with conversations, memories, and laughter. She's been there to eat ice cream with you after a breakup. She's been there to talk to when no one else seems to want to listen. She's there to tell you when you're being unrealistic, as well as when you're settling. There's something about a best friend that makes admitting that you're losing her all that much harder.

Maybe its been a long time coming or maybe it caught you by surprise, but sometimes things just start to add up. Eventually you find yourself staring at a long list of cons and a minimal to non-existent list of pros of continuing the friendship. It's hard to look at someone who has always been there and somehow try to picture them gone. Trying to fathom how you'd really feel without them there. Trying to convince yourself that maybe there's a way to mend what's been broken.

But sometimes you honestly decide that enough is enough. You've weighed the options and they're beyond a chance for the benefit of the doubt. And that's okay. Because no matter what happens you should never compromise yourself or your well-being for the sake of maintaining a friendship with someone who doesn't seem to be bringing anything positive into your life anymore. And yes, it will most likely tear you apart to watch as you both go in different directions, but recognize that you have to do what's best for YOU.

Truthfully, friendship is only as good as the conversation, the company, and the consistency it brings to your life. A friendship can easily become toxic and literally extinguish your light if you aren't careful. And that's when you have to ask yourself - is it worth it? Is putting my well-being, happiness, and self-worth at risk simply for the sake of allowing this person to remain in my life worth it? And sometimes, as hard as it is, you just might have to answer "no."

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