Tuesday, February 16, 2016

To The Girl Who Loves My Ex

Seeing a previous significant other start a new life with someone else can honestly be a different experience for everyone. If it's too close to the breakup you might struggle to accept it. If it's too long after the breakup you might not even notice it. And once in a while you might find yourself at the point of peace. The point where looking at old pictures is actually a fond experience, polite conversation isn't painful, and most of all seeing them commit to someone else makes you genuinely happy for them. You can appreciate what you once had while also understanding why it is no longer yours.

So, to the person who loves him now (or to the person who will love him one day) there are a few things I would like to say...

Thank you. Thank you for giving him all the things I couldn't. Thank you for learning to understand the things about him that I was not capable of understanding. Thank you for having the patience that I didn't quite have. And thank you for loving a person who deserves it, despite his flaws.

And I'm sorry. I'm sure when you hear about our past together it can bring about some pretty uncomfortable emotions, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry if old pictures make you so angry you want to print my face out and turn it into a dart board - I don't blame you and if it makes you feel better then go for it. I'm sorry if you think that the mistakes he made with me will be the same ones he will make with you.

Which brings me to, leave the past in the past. If he is honest about his previous mistakes and promises to do better than he did in relationships prior to you - give him that opportunity. We all have our baggage, even you. If you want him to accept yours, then accept his.

And don't sweat it. When old pictures, notes, or general stuff from our time together resurface - don't let them get to your head. They aren't much but old, faded memories now. He didn't hold on to them for any other reasons beyond him simply being messy (have you seen his room?) or he simply valued whatever we had enough to hold on to something to remember it by. It is not meant to indicate that he isn't over me - if he wasn't, you would know it long before you found one of these items.

Just remind yourself that I was the girl who held him at some of his ultimate lows and took a lot of bullshit to teach him how to be ready for you so you could enjoy more of his highs than I got to. I didn't realize then what I know now - I wasn't trying to make him better for me, I was making him better for you. And seeing you happy together means I did just that.

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