Thursday, January 21, 2016

Plans Change

Six months ago I was dreaming of California. I was fantasizing about what it would be like to start my life over in a completely different place with completely new people, following aimless dreams, and picking out apartments I'd never be able to afford. And somewhere along the way my happy little cloud where I found my head decided to rain on my parade and I realized just how off base I was with what I actually want for myself.

My social life came to a screeching halt, my summer fling fell apart, and I realized I hadn't had the summer away from home in Columbus that I had dreamed of. If I couldn't handle 120 miles, how could I handle 2,000? The reality is - I can't. And to be totally honest I'm not afraid to admit that because I am proud of the relationship I have with my family and my desire not to move far from them. I'm not disappointed that I don't want to move across the country.

It's funny because I'm sure people are thinking "Oh, it's because of your boyfriend, isn't it?" Hate to break it to you, but it's not - and he knows that. My decision not to pack my things and take off has everything to do with what I want for myself and what I need. Now that graduation is right around the corner it's clear to me that moving away would be a mistake, and moving home provides me with more stability as well as the option to further my education. When I first made the decision about chasing this California Dream, I said that I didn't want to put my dreams on a fear-induced back burner. But the point here is that's not what I'm doing. I'm not walking away from a dream out of fear of the unknown, I'm doing it because of what I do know.

It's unfortunate how frequently people like to make assumptions about your plans because of the one's they have made for themselves. But the reality is, no two people are the same and they aren't going to want the same things. It's even possible that over the course of time what you want for yourself will change, and it's important to remember that you have every right to make those decisions if you know what's best for YOU. So that's what I'm doing because plans change.

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