Tuesday, September 22, 2015

As I Am, Not As You Wish

You don't have to "like" everything about someone, but if you're going to love them then you have to love all of them. You have to love their ugly cry, their nail biting, their boisterous laugh, and their annoying habit of drinking milk out of the carton. This doesn't mean that you settle for those things if they would normally be a deal breaker just because the person has additional redeeming qualities. It simply means that if you can't love everything then you'd be settling if you stayed.

Even in the most controlled dating atmosphere's like an online site where you fill out what you're looking for, you still are going to run into a few people that have too many qualities that bother you. But the goal is not to say, "Eh, they'll do." The goal is to find someone who has some not so favorable qualities, but you love them because all of their qualities, good and bad, intertwine to make them the amazing person that you admire and care for.

There is a huge difference between settling and accepting someone's flaws. Settling is NEVER the answer. Settling hurts you, it hurts the person being settled for, and it almost never works out anyways. So why waste the time? 

And for the people out there who claim they are willing to make the change - DO IT FOR YOU. Don't do it for the person who made you feel awful about it. Don't do it for the person who said they'd love you just a little bit more if you stopped the behavior. Do it because you love yourself enough to know when it is time to change - not because someone else convinced you that their conditional love was reason enough to. 

You should never have to change to please a person who claims to love you. The moment the words "I love you" spill from their lips is the exact same moment that they promise to accept all of your faults and love you FOR them, not in spite of them or because there is a prospect they will change. 

Don't get me wrong. We all have bad days when just about anyone is going to drive us crazy, especially our significant other. But if you can't seem to look past a particular quality, and if it is getting in the way of maintaining a healthy relationship, it might be time to call it quits. And if you're constantly feeling pushed down by your significant other for who you are, it is important to remember that you deserve better.

Take me as I am, not as you wish for me to be.

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