Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Carried Away At 1,000,000 MPH

Boys like him should come with a warning label: "You're about to get carried away. Hold on tight. Speed will be beyond calculation. Turns will be unexpected. Can and will end at any point without warning. Broken heart is highly likely."  Something about him made all the walls I had built collapse and I didn't know why; I just melted right in the palm of his hand. I wasn't even trying to meet someone, but once he came into the picture there really was no turning back.

Being with him was like moving at a million miles per hour. There wasn't much hesitation and I didn't really consider the risk I might be taking. It felt incredible to be with someone who I felt I could be myself around and who actually seemed to value me beyond something physical. Once we realized how we felt about each other, it immediately accelerated and there was no chance of slowing down.

Everything about our relationship felt like it was on fast-forward, and unfortunately things ended just about as quickly as they started. It seemed like his life never slowed down, and my presence created no exception. At first I admired his constant desire to live life in the fast lane, but eventually I realized how much he enjoyed being in that lane solo. I convinced myself that I needed to be more like him and to be more concerned with where we were rather than where we could have been going, but that didn't change how devalued it made me feel.

I realize that sometimes you have to be the spectator; cheering on your significant other while you sit in the stands. But the relationship shouldn't leave you feeling like you're always a second thought. You should feel like you are an essential part of their happiness and a valued part of their life. I let myself believe that it was okay because I thought it would change with time. I believed that eventually I would become as important to him as he had become to me, but he let me go and that made me realize I was wrong. And I can't blame him for letting go. I think if I was really who he was supposed to be with he wouldn't have felt like he needed to shove me in - he would have willingly made room without hesitation.

Sometimes things just don't work no matter how hard you try, especially when life throws a curve ball and changes the entire game. And that's just the way life works. Sometimes you can meet someone who you think is incredibly right at the absolute wrong time. But life doesn't slow down for anybody, and you better be prepared because getting carried away at a million miles per hour is no joke.


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