Friday, June 26, 2015

The Friend Zone

I think we can all agree that we have claimed on an occasion (or two) that we have been sent to The Friend Zone. The friend zone is this horrible place that most would agree is some sort of awful purgatory for people who are denied relationships due to being "too good of a friend to lose." We can't ever seem to understand why the person who values our friendship couldn't want us to also be something more, right? WRONG. If you've never been to the friend zone - spoiler alert - it doesn't exist. It's just some made up name for some fictional place people created when they just couldn't stomach rejection and they needed something to call it so they could feel better.

Being a friend who is consistently denied the "next level" is a very real thing; however, the idea that this denial is wrong is, well, WRONG. If someone is your friend, it doesn't matter if you spend every waking moment of every day frolicking through flowers together, if you exchange compliments and sweet sentiments, or even if you're convinced they love you and are just in denial - that person is not obligated to give you the "chance" you apparently think you deserve.

Ask yourself, when you became friends did you do it purposely with the hope of dating them? If so, that's your own damn fault for feeding yourself some sort of false hope and allowing  yourself to have expectations that you shouldn't have ever had in the first place. And even if you just stumbled across your feelings after already having a pre-existing friendship, you still don't have a right to make them feel obligated to date you.

That "chance" you think you have a right to simply for being their friend and for caring about them is exactly the reason they shouldn't give you that chance (or even be your friend to be totally honest). Friendships are not some sort of bargaining chip. You don't just enter someone's life with an agenda. Now I am all about the argument that you can't help who you like, but you can help who you tell and you can help how you make them feel about it.

Telling a friend about the feelings you have for them, when done right, can be completely appropriate and even sometimes rewarding. The problems arise the moment they reject the idea and you feel like it makes them a bad friend. NEWSFLASH - they are not a bad friend. They are doing you a favor and keeping you from dating someone who isn't interested in you. They are literally being an ideal friend right now and you're pissed about it. Let that sink in.

Sure, caring about someone who looks you right in the eyes and tells you that you can't have them is literally the equivalent to getting the wind knocked out of you - times ten. But no matter how horrible that rejection makes you feel, you have to remember that you were never entitled to any sort of friendship with them, let alone a relationship. It is a privilege to be a part of their life and the moment you take that for granted or start to believe you deserve something more is the moment they deserve better.

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