Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Insecurities Are Flammable

When you break up with someone and you let them go, eventually you realize all of the things you were missing - all of the things you wanted, but just weren't getting. The problem is the time that spans between that realization and when you actually find what you're looking for can really break you down. What creates an even more painful situation is witnessing the person you let go willingly give all the things they claimed they couldn't give to you to someone else.

The worst part is up until this point you felt like you took out the trash, but now you realize that trash is now someone else's treasure as it once was yours too. You find yourself staring at pictures wondering what she has that you don't, wondering what makes him want to give her all of those things that for you were just empty promises. You begin to question why you ever broke things off and you might even want to tell him how you're feeling.

You forget the fact that your relationship ended for a reason. You forget all of the things he did wrong because right now all you can do is miss the things he did right once in a while. The thought of someone else being in his arms makes you cringe, but you forget that's the very same cringe that made you leave when you realized how blind you'd been. You blame the struggle you've had finding something meaningful on this false hope that maybe what you had with him had been your something meaningful all along.

But the truth is you have no right to impede on his happiness. You can have as many opinions and reservations about it as you'd like, but you don't sit in a place that has any right to share them. You gave up; you let him go. And even if you have your reasons, no matter how great they may be, there will still be days when you fall back to old habits sometimes and miss those brief moments when he wasn't letting you down. But unless you plan on rekindling and maintaining the fire, step away from the matches.

Those days of insecurity are your matches. Those moments when you feel like begging him not to move on and to still hold you in his heart are the most flammable of all. But do him and yourself a favor - don't light that fire unless it's one you don't plan to put out. The truth is right now your life is just experiencing a drought - you're feeling lonely and you know he would be there if you asked him to stay. But once it passes and you have enough water - enough security in who you are and what you want - we both know exactly what's going to happen to that fire. And that boy may never see it coming and it may cost him the only person whose made him happy since losing you.

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