Friday, March 6, 2015

Soon Came... & Soon Went

I don't understand it, and I guess I never will. But that still doesn't keep me from wondering why. Why you came into my life again, promising me that this time it would be different, if you really knew that it wouldn't be. Why you said that you regretted the way you left things before, yet didn't do a damn thing to make up for it. Why you still won't even apologize for leaving me feeling this way.

I kept telling myself to have hope. I promised myself that you were worth the struggle and the patience. I let myself believe that "soon" was finally in reach and you would be mine this time. Optimism went from being one of my greatest qualities to being my fatal flaw. It consumed me, it weakened me, and eventually I broke. Eventually I woke up and realized that nothing's changed.

Most people would say, "I guess I really only have myself to blame." And maybe I am partly at fault, but I still blame you. I blame you for not being brave enough to say what you wanted or how you were feeling. I blame you for putting me on a back burner and manipulating me into thinking that I wasn't. And I blame you for letting what I thought could have been everything become nothing - you lit the fire and left me standing there to watch it burn while you ran in the other direction.

You were like a hit and run - no responsibility for your actions, no remorse for the damage you caused. Maybe I'll never find out what motivates you to come and go as you please with no thought to your impact, but I do know that I'm done letting you impact me. I'm done being the welcome mat that innocently invites you into her heart. I'm done and, to be frank, you can take "soon" and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

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