Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Soon

He was like that prince on the white horse that rushes in to save the princess from the fire-breathing dragon. He was the most intelligent man I'd ever met and he could make me feel like I was the most beautiful girl with just one look. He could warm my heart with his honesty, chill my spine with his touch, and free my smile with his words. He could make me feel like no one has ever wanted me more... and then he could take it all away without a word.

It took me one week, just one week, to believe that I had met one of the greatest guys to ever walk into my life. But over the course of two months things changed. Pushing myself into his busy schedule to no avail, setting aside my worries as days would pass and I wouldn't hear from him, and justifying to myself one hundred different reasons why it was okay that my texts and calls went unanswered or that I went unacknowledged.

When will I see you next? "Soon."
When can we talk? "Soon."
I just want to be in your arms. "Soon."
I just want to be yours. "Soon."

Eventually I got sick of hearing the word so much I'd get angry every time I heard it. And eventually, I didn't hear anything at all. He stopped responding, and I assumed he stopped caring.

I decided that I needed to do a reasonable person test: Would a reasonable person find this treatment unfair, unwarranted, and downright as painful as I did? I knew I wasn't just overreacting and I knew I deserved better, but I was holding out for the man I thought he could be not the man he was being.

After returning from winter break I decided to move on and leave him in the past since he pretty much stopped being a part of my present. But I still wonder what it would have been like to reach "soon." I still wonder if he would go back to being the man I thought he was when we first met. And maybe he will, but I'm not strong enough to have a relationship founded on convenience, a love defined, limited, and continuously invaded by the word "soon."

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